7.08.2007

Optimus Prime is My Hero



!!!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!!

Move over Keith!

Just saw the new Transformers movie. Fan-tas-tic is all I can say. As usual, I went to see it at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood; my favorite place to see movies. Although, last week I ventured out to the new Landmark Cinemas at the Westside Pavilion; it and the Arclight and I guess The Bridge, are the "upscale" places to see films in LA. All three are nicely appointed foyers, reserved seating and sell popcorn with real butter; not to mention sell high priced tickets. My single ticket to the first showing of Transformers at Cinerama Dome theatre was $11.00! But that's okay, mostly, because I think that every theater should have real butter for their popcorn; that would more than justify for the high prices for everything else. I mean, the revamped Mann's Chinese Theatres are great, but you don't get real butter on your popcorn. The Grove? No butter either. And with my precious movie time (I get, on the average, one movie per quarter), I have to go where the movie is playing and the popcorn has butter!

And playing that movie was! It was playing to many car crashes, explosions, serviceable jokes and admirable Autobots, especially that fione Optimus Prime. I am so down with him. Okay, so we'll be a mixed couple, but I think it'll be okay. He's tall – and don't we all love height? He's fair and protective; he's well traveled; and, he's got transportation taken care of. I think we'll make a great couple. Plus, after Transformers, he's a star; nobody can catch him. I know that most good versus bad movies need a strong villain, but amazingly enough, the main bad guy doesn't make a movement until the last quarter of the film. I don't know about anyone else, but I felt the menace without him. Since I am a marginal fan of the original 80's series, I do know that OP, herein after known as My Wheels, sacrifices himself to save humans and fellow Autobots. The whole picture, all I could think is, "they're not going to kill him, are they? No way, they can't kill off the franchise with the first movie!... Gawd, I hope he stays alive; I'll kill Megatron myself!" Of course, I couldn't quite figure out why they were keeping the dope in cryofreeze in the middle of the desert but whatever… Here I am going on about My Wheels and creep who wants to take him out when I should be giving you, DR, a synopsis of the movie!

- Marines in desert get attacked by a phantom helicopter that turns into a robot, trying to get some information from the Defense Department mainframe; a few get out alive;
- Little annoying MP3 thingee gets on Air Force One and successfully hacks into mainframe (totally proves Homeland Security is a joke);
- Slightly geeky, but very cute teenage boy tries to raise money for his first car by selling items on eBay that belonged to his great-grandfather, who made some mysterious discovery in the North Pole (a naturally cold place…) and eventually went crazy;
- Boy gets car, even though he doesn't sell aforesaid mentioned items on eBay; car turns out to have strange powers, luckily for our boy, they are powers that protect rather than destroy him;
- Government tries to mobilize against expected onslaught – world is without communications (Net, phone, TV). All that is left is shortwave radio – brush up on your Morse Code skills people;
- Geeky guys plus gorgeous chick bring in slacker to help identify code and virus in the Def Dept mainframe shutting down world wide communications;
- The rest of Autobots arrive on earth, introduce themselves to slightly geeky boy and really hot girl he has won over, give the back story about a cube, unlimited power and really bad guys. They establish that it's a good thing that those spectacles of his great-grandfather didn't sell on eBay;
- Oh, BTW, both the Autobots and the Decepticons get all kinds of information from the Net, be careful what you put on it;
- The Gov't brings together the Marine survivors, the cyber geeks, and boy hero + girlfriend to view Megatron. Why, I don't know. Guess it's kind of like the moment in every action flick when the villain explains the why, how and next just in time for the hero to foil the insidious plot;
- The heroes take the v important cube to a city with lots of people and a great battle ensues, lots of bots get hurt or killed (yes, they can die, which is why, at that point, I was still worried about My Wheels), oh and I guess some humans die too;
- Boy hero saves the day by implanting the cube in Megatron instead of Optimus Prime as instructed;
- The Decepticons are killed (or were they?) and dropped down some ocean seven miles under water; we're told that the sub-freezing temperatures and pressure will keep the Decepticons at bay (yeah, right);
- The Autobots decide to stay on earth; guess My Wheels figures he better meet me, right? And watch over us poor, stupid, warlike, but kinda nice humans, just in case bad guys darken our earthstep again.

And that's about it. Now that I've written it down (and I left out a lot), I realize there's a plot (kind of). Okay, so much of it doesn't really make sense, but isn't he gorgeous – great abs, arms and legs?
…check out that steel structure…

And he's tall, ya know I like the tall ones.

Heck, I give up trying to convince you.

See the damned movie yourself! But remember, Optimus Prime is all mine.

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