7.02.2007

Diggin' for Fool's Gold


Ladies, are you a gold digga?

Raise your hand please; I need to take a count.

Are your best girlfriends gold diggas? Do you know many gold diggas? And if so, how do they pick marks? Where do gold diggas hang out? What kind of men are they (you?) interested in meeting/dating/marrying?

I keep hearing about gold diggas (GDs) from all kinds of men - white (WM), black (BM), latino (LM); not so much from asian men (AM). AM, if you want to chime in on the subject, please do. I'm guessing the feedback won't be much different. And yet, somehow, I missed this great upheaval - this shift change in women and the way we interact with men. Apparently, the way the pick up goes these days is something like this:

"Hi I'm Mike. How you doin' tonite?"

"My name is Jenny. I want another drink and if you don't buy it for me, as well as pay for all of my hair and nail appointments, my rent, my car payments, all of my clothes and take me to eat every night at some place other than Carl's Jr., then you can step to the side and let the next sucker up to bat. You have a snow ball's chance in hell of getting any of this coochie... Oh, and what kind of car do you drive?"

"Uh, was that a cosmo you were having?"

Okay, so maybe it's not quite that clear cut, but dudes come on! I think we all know that most GDs are easily identifiable by the "Super GD" tattooed on their forehead, not to mention their perfectly manicured nails, impeccable hairstyle, even golden copper tan, super shiny ride (you know how much car washes cost these days? At least $15 a pop plus tip!) and revealing clothing. Oh, these women are a wonder - and quite rare, which is why I'm wondering how so many regular guys are coming across them. Has Hyde lowered it's admission policy? Does every man think he's Donald Trump (lurd help us if any man besides Donald Trump, actually thinks he's The Donald)?

So who are men referring to? Who is this creature who is out for his money -- the little bit of money they have? Perhaps that's why these men are hypersensitive to women politely inquiring as to their earning ability, spending habits and discretionary funds. I say, the men who worry about women getting into their pockets usually don't have anything in them in the first place. All the more reason to be concerned someone will find out those credit cards are maxed out. Last time I checked, money was the great equalizer. A man might not have the best looks, be over 6', have the body of an Adonis, or be the greatest lover -- but he's got da benjamins! A woman will over look many things to ensure her offspring are well cared for. And how does a man do that? He does it by having money! It's like being one of the biggest, baddest hunters on the plains. He can bring home the bacon...

I think we've got some confusion in the room. Women, after dating a man for a few minutes, will begin to assess his net worth. This is relevant information and a long term frame of mind. She needs to know if he's a loser or winner. She's not trying to get you to write a check; she's trying to decide if she should let you get her down the aisle or at least stay on her dance card for the foreseeable future. She is not trying to take your two Franklin Mint dollars or autographed Air Jordans. For goodness sake, she might have more than you know she does. She might have stocks. She probably buys her own jewelry. She might even have a decent 401k. This woman will sign a prenup. She will have things she should protect, as do you and she will understand. What she won't do is put up with a man who is stingy with his money, for she knows that a man who is stingy with his funds is also stingy with his emotions. And she's an ED, an emotional digga; and she's worth it. Don't be fooled by the shiny things.

Now tell me, would the world cave in if, every once in a while, a man sprang for a $35 combination french tip mani/pedi, including tip?

I didn't think so.

16 comments:

Phoenix_Sun said...

I have never known any gold diggas personally. I knew a lot of sistas who talked a good game of wanting a man with some money but the reality was that they weren't in realistic reach of these type of men. Wannabe gold diggas I call them. I grew up in a working class to lower middle class black community. The goal of high financial aspiration were more theory than practice. To be honest, a lot of those women didn't have what it takes to attract a man with means. You have to bring someone to the table to catch their interest. My sister was one of those women who had it. She came very close to achieving it by being involved with a man who had money. She was seriously dating a famous musician's tour manager. He had to go on tour and wanted her to go with him. She choked and was too scared. She ran back to safety (which can sometimes equal death). She really was into this guy but she ended up reconciling with her childhood sweetheart. They are now married and she is miserable. Not because of the money but the fact that they are incompatible. IMO-divorce is on the horizon in a few years when their children get older.


When she told me was marrying him I knew it was a mistake. I knew my sister wanted the finer things in life and she had the smarts and looks to get the type of man who could fulfill them. I always envisioned her marrying someone older with life experience and financially successful.

Me on the other hand rejected my sister's notion of getting with a wealthy man. I saw it as prostitution and stifling my independence but now I can see where she was coming from. I still want to be financially independent from a spouse. If he became sick or dropped dead suddenly I want to be able to comfortably survive economically and be able to pay our debts. I will say now that I'm grown that I am tired of cheap men. I've been in only two serious relationships and the last one I just broke up with was a serious cheapskate. He would try to get out of paying for his share and his moments of generosity were just moments. If I needed money he would have been the last person I turned to which just showed this wasn't the relationship for me.

I truly believe black women especially are encouraged not to seek financial privilege and if they want that in a mate they are seen as the lowest of the low. All women are in general but I especially feel black women are looked on with even more scrutiny.

Ndelible said...

Gurl,

Say right! Of course most women aren't class A GDs -- can't even begin to compete in that category. Your sister sounds like mine - married a man who a lot of us thought she would not be able to stay with. But she has. It's been like twenty something years. oh well. Hopefully, your sister will find happiness wherever she looks.

I was with you too. I thought putting a solvent man on my list was betrayal to "true love". So many men without money or who held it close. Nope, I have found that cheap men have lots of side effects that aren't good - mostly, my wallet takes a dent. Don't you know, cheap men aren't trying to go to cheap places - they only goes to those when they know they'll have to pay. Most times, they expect to go dutch. They are more than happy to pay to feed their face; it's anyone else's they get upset about. Oh, and don't you hate when men complain about how expensive something is - when it's clearly not? I don't know about you, but I want to enjoy life with someone who isn't complaining, complaining, complaining. I have found that negativity is a real turn off for me.

Phoenix_Sun said...

Hey Ndele,

I would pray my ex would want to go dutch, that means at least he pays his fair share. He was such a creep. He hated spending money on others but for himself the skies the limit. I too had a serious dent in my wallet. If he spent money he would bitch about it in passive aggressive ways. My friends thought I was crazy (they were right) There were men out there who would never act this way. After a while I was tired of playing the fool. I won't tolerate being treated that way ever again. I rather spend money on myself and not have to worry about some penny pincher. My ex even had a ledger when he was nineteen. He recorded every nickel and dime he spent. I kid you not.

Ndelible said...

A ledger when he was 19! Oh, gawd, what a crazy son of a gun. Everyone has a vice, if it's not spending money, it's saving it. The end result is the same, trying to gain a feeling of safety and security through money. Yesterday, at the prerequisite 4th of July BBQ, my two buddies, Chris & Gabe tried to fill me in on the GD phenom. I still can't get there though. What is up with men worrying about women taking their little pennies? They tried to make an analogy though - if women, when they meet a man are worried if the man wants to get in her pants or her heart; men, when they meet a woman worry if she wants to get in his wallet or his heart. Guess that maybe we all just want to be loved for who we are.

Anonymous said...

You have it so twisted. First let me address this they may not have money any way. Thats why black men are leaving black woman because all you look for is if he is a winner or loser or his net worth. I dont here white women talking like that. Not to mention women asking what a man has in his pockets must not have any money her self. Your views are screwed up. You dont even understand what a gold digger is. Seeing if a man has potenial to make a good husband so you two can walk down the aisle together is not just how much money he has. You need to chill also in your round about way in putting men down about if they have money or not. You will never date a donald trump so dont tell a man he cant think like him. I dont care if he has a maxed out credit card and a thousand dollars in his bank its his. He earned it. Where is your money at. Remember LOVE is spelled L-O-V-E not M-O-N-E-Y! Money has nothing to do with love. Since you claim to be so new to this goldigger thing you are blind. Evana trump, all of eddie murphys wives,and all the women on house wifes of orange county, and those women on despreate housewives,AnnaNichol, every playboy girl, Doug chirstie's wife, Kobe Byrants wife,Paul Mccartneys wife $40million, P Diddys baby momma,lionel richies wife,James brown first wife, every girl on the flavor of love, need I go on. These are all women that struck it rich by finding a man with some money. Just because you have a few stocks yourself does not mean anything.You dont get how some men think. Remember when a man meets a woman he does not say I wonder how much money she has or like you say is she a loser or a winner. He does not think that. He does not think what is her net worth. He thinks if he is not a dog he thinks wow could this be the woman I could trust and spend the rest of my life with. Also WOMEN lead the world in divorce filings so there fore the prenup thing is dead. Every woman you think will sign a prenup you are blind. Yeah right. Most women dont have money anyway thats why you all are always looking for the come up. Women crack me up because just like you have a closet full of shoes you still go shoe shopping. Is just like you have a good man but you are always looking for an upgrade. Last time I checked there were only a few women on the forbes list of riches people. Therefore men lead in being rich therefore women will lead in being golddiggers. You said a man can pay for a french tip how about you pat for a haircut of mine every once in a while.

Anonymous said...

Oh one other thing I read on here (funny I didnt think anybody else actually responded to this stuff) but I see you and another lady said something about wanting the finer things in life if I am not mistaken... Here is something I have to say to that. GET IT YOUR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SICK OF WOMAN SAYING I WANT THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE!! GET THEM THEN.... DONT WAIT ON A MAN TO GIVE THEM TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! THINK YOU WOMEN TALK WE ARE EQUAL WE ARE EQUAL WOMEN DESERVE THE SAME RIGHTS ALL THAT STUFF. THEN YOU CAN GET THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE YOURSELF! IF A MAN WANTS THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE HE THINKS OF WAYS TO HUSTLE MAKE MONEY, LIKE DONALD TRUMP, OR BILL GATES, OR MARK CUBAN OR RUSSELL SIMMONS. THEY FIND WAYS TO EARN MONEY SO THEY CAN GET THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE. THERE PLAN DOES NOT HAVE A WOMEN AND HER BANK ACCOUNT IN IT. WOMEN NEED THE SAME PLAN IF YOU WANT THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE GET YOUR PLAN AND MAKE YOUR DOUGH THEN GET A MAN.

Liz said...

I haven't met a whole lot of gold diggers in my life but I did go to school with a woman who got various men to pay her rent, car note and buy her fashionable clothes...all in exchange for sex. I always wondered if she didn't think she could survive on her own. In my single days I know I minded letting a guy buying me a bunch of stuff because there were always strings attached to the gift. Now that I'm married, if my husband wants to pay for something, feel free, but that's not what I married him for.

You have me thinking how we objectify our significant others and look at relationships from a materialistic level (money, looks, etc.) instead of them being a true union of souls.

Ndelible said...

Anonymous said (I wonder why)...“You have it so twisted. First let me address this they may not have money any way. Thats why black men are leaving black woman because all you look for is if he is a winner or loser or his net worth.“

I don’t know if this is true. What I do know is that many of my single male friends complain about coming across GDs. These are men of all races and nationalities. For the BM who voiced this complaint, none of them expressed a desire to no longer date BW. It’s not scientific, but it’s truth.

“I dont here white women talking like that.”

I hear women – again, of all races and nationalties being aware of the part that money plays in the interaction with their mates. I don’t know many women who make money the sole reason for being with a man or not, but they do put it into the calculation; how big or small depends on the woman.

“Not to mention women asking what a man has in his pockets must not have any money her self. Your views are screwed up.”

Actually, I think that the more money a woman has of her own, the stronger her interest is to insure that a potential mate can at least match her earning potential. Then again, some women don’t care at all. Cross reference Starr Jones.

“You dont even understand what a gold digger is. Seeing if a man has potenial to make a good husband so you two can walk down the aisle together is not just how much money he has. You need to chill also in your round about way in putting men down about if they have money or not.”

I don’t disagree. First there is love and the rest follows. However, what kind of life a woman (and children) will have with her man is a serious consideration and not to be taken lightly.

“You will never date a donald trump so dont tell a man he cant think like him.”

Otay…

“I dont care if he has a maxed out credit card and a thousand dollars in his bank its his. He earned it. Where is your money at. Remember LOVE is spelled L-O-V-E not M-O-N-E-Y!”

Yes, he earned it; as I earned mine. That is why I would sign a fair prenup.

“Money has nothing to do with love. Since you claim to be so new to this goldigger thing you are blind. Evana trump, all of eddie murphys wives,and all the women on house wifes of orange county, and those women on despreate housewives,AnnaNichol, every playboy girl, Doug chirstie's wife, Kobe Byrants wife,Paul Mccartneys wife $40million, P Diddys baby momma,lionel richies wife,James brown first wife, every girl on the flavor of love, need I go on. These are all women that struck it rich by finding a man with some money.”

Funny, Chris & Gabe specifically cited Ivana Trump as a “business women” – not a GD; interesting prospective.

“Just because you have a few stocks yourself does not mean anything.You dont get how some men think. Remember when a man meets a woman he does not say I wonder how much money she has or like you say is she a loser or a winner. He does not think that. He does not think what is her net worth. He thinks if he is not a dog he thinks wow could this be the woman I could trust and spend the rest of my life with.”

Oh that’s a relief. I was under the impression that a man wonders if he can get in her pants or not.

“Also WOMEN lead the world in divorce filings so there fore the prenup thing is dead. Every woman you think will sign a prenup you are blind. Yeah right. Most women dont have money anyway thats why you all are always looking for the come up. Women crack me up because just like you have a closet full of shoes you still go shoe shopping. Is just like you have a good man but you are always looking for an upgrade. Last time I checked there were only a few women on the forbes list of riches people. Therefore men lead in being rich therefore women will lead in being golddiggers. You said a man can pay for a french tip how about you pat for a haircut of mine every once in a while. “

Whoa there little fella, sounds like a lot of anger there! I think most women, myself included, are looking for our life’s partner and all that encompasses. We are trying to make a living, look cute, be informed and accessible. That’s hard work! And darlin’ don’t worry, I have no issue with paying for things I think my man deserves – and if he is my man, he deserves a lot, as should I, as his woman.

Ndelible said...

anonymous said again... "Oh one other thing I read on here (funny I didnt think anybody else actually responded to this stuff) but I see you and another lady said something about wanting the finer things in life if I am not mistaken... Here is something I have to say to that. GET IT YOUR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Actually, what I said was that I wanted to enjoy life with someone who wasn't complaining, and that DR, would instantly put you out of the running. That desire has a little to do with money and a lot to do with attitude (something that don't cost a thing). Further, I don't see any women, if they can afford it, myself included, going without finer things in life, man or no man.

"I AM SO SICK OF WOMAN SAYING I WANT THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE!! GET THEM THEN.... DONT WAIT ON A MAN TO GIVE THEM TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! THINK YOU WOMEN TALK WE ARE EQUAL WE ARE EQUAL WOMEN DESERVE THE SAME RIGHTS ALL THAT STUFF. THEN YOU CAN GET THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE YOURSELF! IF A MAN WANTS THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE HE THINKS OF WAYS TO HUSTLE MAKE MONEY, LIKE DONALD TRUMP, OR BILL GATES, OR MARK CUBAN OR RUSSELL SIMMONS. THEY FIND WAYS TO EARN MONEY SO THEY CAN GET THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE. THERE PLAN DOES NOT HAVE A WOMEN AND HER BANK ACCOUNT IN IT. WOMEN NEED THE SAME PLAN IF YOU WANT THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE GET YOUR PLAN AND MAKE YOUR DOUGH THEN GET A MAN."

Okay, that's a rant that I can't even begin to help you with. Your anger is palatable and probably why you're not attracting the kind of woman who is self-sufficient and giving. What pond are you fishing in? Try another. There are so many good women out there who do not care how much a man makes or doesn't make, who will pay for a haircut, or better yet, knows how to cut hair herself and gives him a cut. Oh, so many missed opportunities, misread signals. Yup, being single sucks.

Ndelible said...

Liz said... "I haven't met a whole lot of gold diggers in my life but I did go to school with a woman who got various men to pay her rent, car note and buy her fashionable clothes...all in exchange for sex. I always wondered if she didn't think she could survive on her own."

I've kinda known women like that. I was thought of them as very skanky; borderline 'hos. Mostly I thought this because the women didn't seem to care for the men at all. I can't even imagine using someone in that way.

"In my single days I know I minded letting a guy buying me a bunch of stuff because there were always strings attached to the gift."

Someone recently used the phrase, "don't lean on strings". I'd never heard that before. I was told that it is related to "strings attached". You're right; it's rare that you get something for nothing in this world.

"Now that I'm married, if my husband wants to pay for something, feel free, but that's not what I married him for."

Ah, true love - so refreshing. And I'm thinking, marrying someone for anything less than that is probably not a good idea.

"You have me thinking how we objectify our significant others and look at relationships from a materialistic level (money, looks, etc.) instead of them being a true union of souls. "

Do I sense a fabulous post coming on? Looks - oh, that's like six posts. If women think a bit about money, men think a lot about looks.

Phoenix_Sun said...

Thanks for responding to anonymous, Ndele. I didn't know what to make of that obviously bitter rant. He or she didn't read our posts correctly. I never wanted to be a gd, nor have I use a man for money. It's very frustrating when people totally misunderstand you.

Anonymous said...

Regarding Anonymous' raging rant...
(1) with the fantastic spelling job in the rant, you know he's a winner!! college graduate & maybe even has a phD?
(2) with the bitter tone, you can tell he's one of the guys who doesn't have much money
(3) "He thinks if he is not a dog he thinks wow could this be the woman I could trust and spend the rest of my life with." last time i checked the reality was more like "he thinks 'can i get in her pants??'"

Not Anonymous any more just dont think you are worthy of my name! said...

See how stupid both of you ladies are! thats what I am talking about. For your information I have over 10 million dollars in the bank. More then both of you will ever see in your life. The reason I am bitter is I am tired of women that have nothing to do with something sticking their nose in it. I did not say you were a gold digger but when you act like you know men, that you know nothing about I had to say something. I have been the guy who paid for rent and what not only to find out that the person I was doing that for was a gold digger. So I really have no need to respond to you guys any more. If you want to call my bank let me know and I will give you the number and I can watch you choke on your words about the no money claim. That will be respose enough to your fatuous statement. As for the spelling do you both have a GED? I see mispelled words in your statement along with several grammatical errors in your statements as well. You both proably make less then a $100,000 a year together anyway! If you guys know so much I wonder how you're love lives are going?? Hmmm let me guess you're both losers in that department huh?? Ha excatly what I thought!

Not anonymous anymore your just not worthy of my name! said...

Oh I didnt see the other anonymous response to my statements as well. Thats probaly a fat girl anyway so I will not give her any time! Go get a cheese burger!

Ndelible said...

Anonymous said… “See how stupid both of you ladies are! thats what I am talking about. For your information I have over 10 million dollars in the bank. More then both of you will ever see in your life.”

I’m going to respond to Anonymous because I think he needs help. Now, I know the help I can give him is limited; Dr. Joyce Brothers I am not, but…

“The reason I am bitter is I am tired of women that have nothing to do with something sticking their nose in it. I did not say you were a gold digger but when you act like you know men, that you know nothing about I had to say something. I have been the guy who paid for rent and what not only to find out that the person I was doing that for was a gold digger.”

…people usually tell you who they are if you just give them the chance. Anonymous, that was one woman who you obviously cared about and felt betrayed you. That is unfortunate. It is not pleasant to be betrayed. It hurts; we get angry; we tend to attract the same kind of people. Try forgiving her and move on. You’ll soon meet a woman who loves you for you. Trust me; there are plenty of women out there who will not betray you.

“So I really have no need to respond to you guys any more. If you want to call my bank let me know and I will give you the number and I can watch you choke on your words about the no money claim.”

Certainly you’ve heard of the saying, “he doeth protest too much…”? The louder you scream that you’ve got money, the less likely it is that anyone will believe you. The truly rich do not trumpet their wealth; they are very discreet.

“That will be respose enough to your fatuous statement. As for the spelling do you both have a GED? I see mispelled words in your statement along with several grammatical errors in your statements as well.”

Literary license m’dear, idiom.

“You both proably make less then a $100,000 a year together anyway! If you guys know so much I wonder how you're love lives are going?? Hmmm let me guess you're both losers in that department huh?? Ha excatly what I thought! “

Does it really matter how much we make? We aren’t wearing it on our sleeves, nor are we asserting that our income makes us better or more deserving people (unlike some other people…)

“Oh I didnt see the other anonymous response to my statements as well. Thats probaly a fat girl anyway so I will not give her any time! Go get a cheese burger! “

Otay, this is when Dr. Brothers would tell you to play nice. I, on the other hand say, grow up and get a brain. Is that the best you can do? How quaint and irrelevant to the discussion.

More posts on the standards that men have for women coming; Best Friend Amber and I talked until 1 this morning about various topics to be covered.

Anonymous said...

RE: Not anonymous anymore your just not worthy of...

I do get told to go eat a cheeseburger a lot, actually. That's cuz I'm 5'6" and 110lbs. So I agree with you on that one...how bout this, give me your bank account number so I can verify your self worth, and then BUY me the cheeseburger =]